I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
