My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize