this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize