Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
