I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you would pick up someone in the library
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You were trust falling into bushes
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
