What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
