I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
