Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
