Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
