yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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