I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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