I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It's not a walk of shame if you run
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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