what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
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She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
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This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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