At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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