I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
