I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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