does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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