i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
