last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
