Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
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