we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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