Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
