I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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