My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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