Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
