No stitches, just platelets and will power
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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