I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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