I'm lost and stupid without you.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
