You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize