It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
