I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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