you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
