Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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