the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
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SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
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I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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