I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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