At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We got so high we made milksteak
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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