I feel like I'm in dance class right now
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
