R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
