so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
