So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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