my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
