this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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