im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I intend to get homeless drunk
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when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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