dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
