Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
