Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
