My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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