I wannas sexs uuuuu
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
