the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
There are leaves in my underwear?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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