Jerry, you need to find god
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
