I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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