Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
did i walk over a car last night?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
