Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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