A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
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Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
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Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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