i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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