people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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