come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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