TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize