Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
