$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
