just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
