the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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