watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
