I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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