I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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