i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
