I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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