That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
