Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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