Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm always down for nudity.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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