We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
