I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
