More tranny stories later!
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
