My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
