when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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