Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
