can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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