Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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