Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
